Week 82: Picture This

This week's contest marks the first triumphant return of former Style Invitational Cartoonist Marc Rosenthal, the gifted illustrator whose offbeat stylings graced these pages until we kicked his butt out the door when we got tired of him. Tell us: Who are these people, and what are they doing? First-prize winner receives a talking Pee-wee Herman doll, which sold new in 1990 for $25 but for some reason shortly thereafter became a hard-to-find collector's item. We purchased it at an antique store, a little soiled and frayed at the collar, for $75. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 82, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via the Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Entries must be received by Monday, Oct. 17. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & The Ear No One Reads makes a last call for onomatopoeia, made-up words that sound like the sounds they are describing. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 79, in which we asked you to write double dactyls, a devilishly complicated and erudite poetic form we figured you could not possibly master, inasmuch as you are, as we have pointed out before, a battalion of doofs. Well, we apologize. You turned out to be a battalion of doofs with a frankly astounding facility for literary arcana. Special mention to Inger M. Pettygrove of Arlington, who violated our rule that the rhyme had to be about someone famous but nonetheless produced this gem: "Hippety hoppity/ Inger M. Pettygrove/ Wanted three kids--`I don't/ Care what the sex is.`/ Lives in a house now so / Hypertesticular/ Said to her spouse, `don't you / Have any X's?' " Likewise, special mention to Jim Hedlund of Springfield, who should send us a steamer trunk full of cash for publishing this: "Higgledy piggledy/ Betta M. Eskeli/ Constant musician/ Occasional wife;/ Gardener, mother, and/ Bibliomaniac/ Teacher, gourmet, and/ Love of my life."

Fourth Runner-Up:

Higgledy piggledy

Jacqueline Kennedy

Wed Ari the Toad as

Prince of her dreams.

Mythopoetically

Hoping for fairy tales,

But sometimes a toad can be

Just what it seems.

(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.)

Third Runner-Up:

Jiggery Pokery

President Kennedy,

Murdered In Dallas by

Oswald alone?

Incontrovertible

Evidence implicates

Elvis and O.J., says

Oliver Stone

(Chris Doyle, Burke)

Second Runner-Up:

Higgledy Piggledy

Style Invitational

Yahdahdah Yahdahdah

ThisIsOneWord.

Yahdahdah Yahdahdah

Yahdahdah Yahdahdah,

I know this ain't winning

But can't it be third?

(John Kammer, Herndon)

First Runner-Up:

Bibbity Bobbitty

Marion Barry and

John the aforementioned

Both came to grief.

Emasculation

Real or political

Isn't irreparable,

To their relief.

(Dorothy Gaillard, Woodbine, Md.)

And the winner of the fabulous one-slice toaster:

Chippety Choppety

Jean-Bertrand Aristide

Turned rather brutish but

Withstood the shock

Of returning to Haiti so

Tontonmacoutish

That now they are calling him

Reverend Doc.

(Kitty Thuermer, Washington)

Honorable Mentions:

Jiggery-pokery

Contraman Oliver

Asked for a permit to

Armpit a gun.

The judge said, "I'm sorry, it's

Jurisprudentially

Very much tougher to

Smuggle just one."

(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.)

Higgledy Piggledy

Marion What's-His-Name

Now back to serve us, this

Altruist bold.

Promising new days, he

Unegotistically

Seeks highest office

With Vistas untold.

(M. Gallagher, Oxon Hill)

Higgledy Piggledy

Lyndon and Ladybird

Lunched with Westmoreland, and

Got quite upset.

Asked if their troubles were

Gastrointestinal,

Johnson replied,

"It was something Viet."

(Carol Uri, Alexandria)

Diggety Doggety

Ollie the Senator

(Would-be, that is) doesn't

Merit the prize

Due to his penchant for

Swearing to numerous

Unsenatorial

Little white lies.

(Janis Marie Gibbs, xxx)

Wonkity Bonkity

Hillary Clinton

Wrote health legislation

To save our old bones.

Uncompromisingly,

Reps balked at covering

All U.S. citizens

But Paula Jones.

(David Gionfriddo, Washington)

Higgledy piggledy

Gilbert & Sullivan

Musical satirists,

Hardly sublime.

Unhesitatingly

Would have approved of their

Names being used in this

Ludicrous rhyme.

(Robin Pemantle, Madison, Wis.)

Higgledy piggledy

Musicotherapy,

New-age psychiatry

For the effete;

Best known for being a

Hexasyllabical

Word in which none of the

Letters repeat.

(Robin Pemantle, Madison, Wis.)

Higgledy Piggledy

President Aristide,

What do you look like,

O myth in the mist?

Geopolitically,

What do you stand for?

Is there something we're hiding?

Do you exist?

(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.)

Higgledy piggledy

Eleanor Roosevelt's

Voice on the radio

Shattered the night.

People found Eleanor's

Bark even worse than

Orthodontarily

Speaking, her bite.

(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.)

Hackery Quackery

Robert the Dolorous

Plenipotentiary

Thinks he is God.

Glorifies handguns and

Ridicules basketball

Pampers the powerful

I think he's odd.

(Edith L. Marsden, Washington)

Deja-vu-istically,

President Cleveland

Served us in two terms

Divided in date,

Bracketed Benjy

Historiographically,

Fathered a bastard,

Died one-nine-oh-eight.

(Myra Purdom, Springfield)

Piggery Pokery,

King Michael Jackson

Married the Princess

Lisa Marie.

Who is the husband?

Who is the wifey?

Gives a new meaning to

Androgyny.

(Trudy Wayne Howland, Alexandria)

Higgledy Piggledy

J. Martin Tupperman,

Little-known scientist,

Not quite renowned.

Proved his First Theorem of

Defenestration,

But landed before he could

Jot it all down.

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Hippety Hoppety,

Linda Byrd Johnson Robb

Roots for her Chuck as his

Campaign goes forth.

Hoping that galloping

Anti-incumbency

Won't cause Virginians to

Choose to go North.

(Bob Lieblich, Arlington)

Higgledy Piggledy

William J. Clinton

Bespoke his affection for

Burgers and fries.

Why does he patronize

Greaselumpatoriums?

Makes him just one (and a

half) of the guys.

(Joe Hoffman, Falls Church)

And Practically Last:

Nickety Pickety

J. Martin, Miss Manners,

Fights hard for etiquette

Fears its demise

Incontrovertible!

Yet she is losing!

This boorish feature is

Twice her own's size.

Steve Wartik, Rockville

And Last:

Hippety Hoppity

Pee-wee the organist

Was better than Bobbitt

At holding his own

Which we mention because the

Style Invitational's

Phallocentricity's

Very well known.

(Barbara Holland, Bluemont, Va.

Next Week: Nick Knacks.